u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
