i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
