there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
