So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
