shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
