It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
