Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You are a genius and a whore.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
