well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
