I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
