Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
