mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
