There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
