i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
