WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
