my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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