Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
