i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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