while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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