Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
