my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
