I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
