Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I am morally bankrupt
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
