I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
is wine microwaveable?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
