I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
