cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
