She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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