Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
