Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I want her autograph on my taint
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
