Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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