did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
