At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
