am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
