come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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