Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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