so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They have beer where we have blood.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
