you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
