oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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