The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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