she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
