I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
