She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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