Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
