Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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