Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
