do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
