i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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