For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Pooping to opera.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
