did you get engaged???
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize