and i looked up. we had an audience...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
