new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
