Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
