Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
