Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
