I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
