Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
