I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
