apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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