every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
