I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
