Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
