I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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