Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
