You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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