Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
