Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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