Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
