I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
