UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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