Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
