Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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