I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Girls should come with a carfax report
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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