I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
