ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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