My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
